The one who you despise holds key to your strength
One of the most revealing exercises for me was to use the Shadow work from Jungian psychology - within that the most direct path to identifying a man’s shadow is to examine what triggers his absolute disgust and rage in others. This reaction often reveals that we are projecting our own "caged wild side" onto those around us.
Try this simple exercise:
Identify the Trigger: Pick a man in your life whom you truly despise—someone you view as overtly aggressive, arrogant, or selfish.
The Golden Question: Ask yourself, "What permission is this person giving himself that I have been desperately denying myself?"
Therein lies your stolen power. That trait you find so repulsive is often the very thing you have amputated from your own psyche—something you secretly crave but refuse to let yourself possess.
Why we lock the Sailor in the basement to begin with
Why we deny our wild side? We often amputate these traits in childhood as a survival mechanism. To fit into our families, schools, and social circles, we learn that being "too much"—too loud, too aggressive, or too self-interested—is dangerous. We trade our vitality for validity. By suppressing the "wild" parts of our nature to remain "good" or "acceptable," we accidentally bury our drive, our boundaries, and our creative fire. We don't just lock away the "wild sailor"; we lock away the engine that powers our life.
The Transformation: From Shadow to Strength
Integrating these elements isn't about becoming the person you despise; it’s about reclaiming the energy behind their behavior.
The Shift: If you despise someone’s "arrogance," the shadow version of that trait is likely unapologetic confidence.
The Alchemy: Instead of acting out with "selfishness," you learn to practice radical self-prioritization.
The Result: When you stop using your energy to keep these traits suppressed, that power is suddenly redirected outward. You move from a state of exhaustion and resentment to one of focused strength. You aren't becoming a "bad" person; you are becoming a whole person, capable of using your aggression to protect and your ego to lead.
Jiri Rakosnik, Founder of FewGoodMen with Roel (Voice4Good Podcast), Amsterdam 2026
