“I will not die an unlived life”
Statistically 85% of men who suppress their inner Beast are wrestling with fear of death.
The greater the unlived life, the greater the death anxiety.
I was attending the Men Rite of Passage in Big Bear Country, California few years ago when I heard this poem being read to us. In that given context it sounded to me less a traditional poem and more like a call to arms and radical new contract with myself—a vow to break out of the numbness and unbearable lightness of being that I fell into.
The fear of death was something I named on several occasions and slowly realised that I simply am not ready to die because there are still so many things I wanted to do. I wanted to be love my woman truly, not just chasing girls for pleasure, I wanted to become a great father, use my gifts to have great impact on people and not just wage office wars and hold endless meetings. There was so many things I realised I compromised on in the exchange of security, stability, money and “success”.
I choose to inhabit my days
She reminded me that a life spent obsessively avoiding the flames is a life spent freezing in the dark. To actually discover who I was, that heavy, old skin had to be shed. I had to be willing to step out of my hiding place, face the demons I created and walk toward the warmth of my heart.
"I choose to inhabit my days, / to allow my living to open me... / to loosen my heart / until it becomes a wing, / a torch, a promise."
This is the antidote to the unlived life. To decide - to make the conscious choice! For me to be truly present, to move away from being captured in my past or afraid of my unclear future. Truly being here and now, and starting to mindfully exploring it. Coming back to my heart - the heart that I failed on several occasions by going against myself, by not listening to my instincts, by giving my power away, by not doing what brings me joy. When I finally allowed my heart to open, it indeed began to act as a torch, my turbo that was missing for such a long time. It brought color, energy, and reunion back to the parts of myself I thought were lost.
Markova finishes with a beautiful image of generative power: "to live so that which came to me as seed / goes to the next as blossom..."
You cannot force a seed to grow in the cold, and you cannot build a meaningful life from a place of fear. Growth requires the nurtured, glowing warmth at the roots. By choosing to be fully present, we provide the exact environment needed for our lives to finally bloom. We finally take the journey that simply couldn't happen while we were shut down.
I choose to risk my significance
I choose to risk my significance," she is making a vow to stop protecting her ego. She is realizing that you cannot hold onto your armor and hold onto your authentic life at the same time.
For me - following my calling to leave the corporate life and support men in their journey to reclaim their essential power, this meant:
Being willing to look foolish in the pursuit of something real.
Trading external validation (what my family, my partner, my friends expected and thought of me) for internal aliveness (what I actually felt is worth pursuing).
Opening up fully to the imposter syndrome, knowing that I am no longer the expert and allowing myself to be a beginner, learn, and experience raw joy.
Most of men that come to us are terrified of the teeth in the dark
For the unintegrated man, death is not just the end of biological function; it is the terrifying deadline on a life he never actually piloted. If a man does not own his own "teeth" (his capacity for aggression, boundaries, and wildness), he becomes acutely terrified of teeth in the dark.
You can become obsessed with bio-hacking, extreme longevity protocols, or paralyzing hypochondria. Or you can join FewGoodMen. Groom your Gentleman. Untame your Beast. And live the life you are capable of living.
To provide inspiration here is my beloved voice coach Roel Fooij reading the poem by Dawna Markova's “I will not die an unlived life”.
