Setting Boundaries as an Act of Love
Rolando picked up about a dozen saplings—ornamental plants with vibrant, yellow-patterned leaves—and asked me to take the rest and follow him. I followed him to the edges of the property, where he had recently installed a new drainage system.
"I want to plant these here," he explained, "to protect the borders of the property."
At that moment, I smiled. The events I had witnessed during our FewGoodMen retreat just a few days earlier suddenly clicked into place. A beautiful metaphor emerged: Borders don’t have to be cold or harsh; they can be beautiful.
Redefining the "Wall"
We often think of setting boundaries as a stressful, uncomfortable, or even aggressive process. But when a boundary is set with genuine intent and delivered from the heart, it transforms. It becomes a tool for protection—not just of your own peace, energy, and self-respect, but as a catalyst for healing others.
By drawing a line, you often help the person on the other side recognize what no longer serves them. You give them the opportunity to shed behaviors that are limiting their own growth.
The Trap of "Politeness"
If you were raised to be "polite" and "well-behaved" like me, you likely learned to avoid conflict at all costs. For a long time, I mistook assertiveness in others for aggression or rudeness. In reality, they weren't being mean; they were simply unwilling to compromise their well-being. They possessed the self-love required to protect their energy.
If you are reading this, you likely know the heavy cost of failing to stand up for yourself. We often worry that saying "no" is selfish. The truth is, it is selfish not to set boundaries.
When you compromise your integrity to stay "polite," you give your power away. You cannot be your best self, and you cannot show up for others with the impact you are truly capable of.
The Strength of a Heart-Centered "No"
During our last retreat, I saw this in action. A man was stuck in the persona of the "eternal teenager," using crude language regarding women and relationships. Eventually, a younger man—the target of these comments—stepped in.
He didn't attack. He simply stated: "I am putting up a barrier right here. I don't want you to talk about my relationship like that anymore. I value you and the experiences we’ve shared, but I won’t accept this."
The message landed heavily, but because it was delivered with love and clear intention, it cleared the air. Over the following days, the "teenager" began to shift. He became more grounded and mature, dropping a mask that had been slowing him down for years.
Boundaries in Partnership
We honor this practice in my own relationship as well. Everyone is entitled to their emotions, but when those emotions begin to negatively impact behavior and the health of the partnership, we have a responsibility to step in.
Taking the lead to say, "Stop—this isn't okay," is an act of care. We call out the behavior, not the person, creating the necessary space for the other to respond and grow.
Key Takeaways:
Boundaries are ornamental: Like Rolando’s plants, they define a space with beauty and intention.
Clarity is kindness: Being assertive isn't being rude; it's being honest about what you need to stay healthy.
Protect your impact: You can only give from a full cup. Protect your peace so you can show up for the world.
How are you "planting" your borders this week?
