Healing My Heart with RAPÉ
Feeling my heart needing healing, so I can fully open up to the love I know is within me, I asked a Russian Shaman lady to guide me through a journey using rapé.
Intense vision of my relationship with women ensued following the bobinsana based rapé.
Opening up the heart with Cacao
Many say that Cacao ceremonies are the innovation of the West only and it lacks authenticity. Perhaps. However it certainly does not hurt to create a cosy atmosphere, listening to soothing and love inducing tribal songs while being served a hot cup of cocoa mixed with warming spice and honey. Especially when you are getting over your broken heart.
The cacao was prepared with feminine energy, infused with cinnamon, star anise, ginger, anise, cardamom, and cloves, and it felt incredibly soothing. We really took our time with it, creating a sacred space together.
During the cacao ceremony, I felt like my heart needed healing—like I had to forgive, heal, and close the wounds to remove the hatred and anger so that I could love fully again. I also sensed that my throat chakra needed clearing and I needed to express myself more spontaneously so that my life energy could flow freely.
Drawing from deck of cards
Then, I drew a card that showed a woman—beautiful, a brunette, but with a shadowy reflection of a demon. The message was clear: I had to face my demons so that they wouldn’t control me or distort my perception of the world. The card also showed her holding scales, suspended from a katana. I felt drawn to one of the bowls on the left—there was this pull between choosing adventure or a safe harbor. It was like I had to make a choice, but I wondered: do I really need to pick just one? I realized that I have to give myself unconditional love first. Only then will I feel grounded, calm, and fulfilled. That love will make me stronger, more confident, and loving towards others.
The rapé ceremony was intense.
When I feel uncomfortable, I often try to fill that emptiness with someone else, but I realized that a woman can sense that, and when I try to use her as an emotional tool, it pushes her away. Instead, I need to stay true to myself, calm down, and give myself that unconditional love. When I do this, I’ll exude peace and love, and naturally, the woman will be drawn to offer her love in return.
At one point, I saw an image of my kingdom where old energies were drifting away on a small boat made of leaves, like a little raft carrying away a candle. As I blew it away, I felt the powerful presence of a snake.
After that, everything became calm, and there was a sense of release. I sat in reflection for a moment, and then the atmosphere completely shifted to something joyful—almost like a royal celebration. There was music, jesters, fire, rhythm—and Valerie danced in front of me, so gracefully and passionately. She looked like she was floating, almost like a goddess. I didn’t try to possess her or pull her toward me; I just enjoyed the moment, watching her dance freely.
Then, silence returned. It was deep and long, and for a moment, I felt a shift. A third wave of energy came through, heavy and intense, pulling me to the left, as if the whole room tilted. I felt this weight dragging me, but slowly, this energy began to leave my body, and I felt lighter, more stable.
In the end, it became clear to me that a man cannot take the role of a woman. If he tries to focus too much on relationships, he loses his attractiveness. A man is here to achieve, to serve society, not to constantly seek validation from others.
It was an eye-opening experience, and I feel much clearer now about the importance of staying true to myself and not trying to force things, especially in relationships. It’s about balance and giving love to myself first.
